Quote Book

Quote 399 Series 3/12/2021

The book of Hebrews in the Bible says that faith is the “substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen”. This does not bode well for me as I want to “see” it, tie a rope around its neck, and drag it along behind me so I can have it on reserve when I need it. 

Several years ago, when my world had been flipped upside down, there were several situations to which I was trying to manipulate an outcome. I would hear instructions of “Keep the faith” or “Have faith in better days”. While the advice from loved ones seemed glib it left me wondering to what I was meant to have faith in.  

In the authoritarian ministry in which I grew up as a child I was taught that my faith was in a God who ruled down upon me watching my every move waiting for me to either “do it right” or “mess up”. Since I have little interest in that kind of God I have taken to asking for the willingness to have faith in the action of faith itself. When I allow myself to do that I often see a small light the size of pinhole peeking out through immense darkness.

“Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” 

These words by Tagore Rabindranath speak truth with my experience of faith. Feeling the light while still living in darkness becomes a decision, and one that I am usually loath to make because I would rather be right than happy. However, at some point surrender comes in and smooths out the hard edges of my willfulness. I employ faith with the understanding that in doing so I needn’t cling so firmly to the rightness of my own misery. 

When I teach classes I always tell my students that when we are practicing faith we are also practicing courage and risk, and the same is true in reverse. When we practice courage or risk we are also practicing the other two. So, there I am surrendering asking for courage to take the risk to become the bird of faith that believes the darkness will somehow abate. 

I have no control of the outcome so in desperation I choose faith. 

What is your song in the dark? 

Cautiously Feeling Light, 

Nathan Aaron

Quote 399 Series 11/28/19

It was autumn 2006 and I was sitting on the edge of the bed in my best friend Bobby’s bedroom on 28 Mott Street in Chinatown in NYC and he had just finished reading me something that he had written. While I don’t remember exactly what it was, I do remember that I was so impressed with his sentence structure and use of language that I spoke up.  

“That’s so beautiful! I’m not good at writing like that.”

After speaking those words, a feeling came over me that I could not identify until nearly three years later when I would begin doing the work of unblocking myself through creative recovery. I soon learned that the unidentifiable feeling that I had that day in late 2006 was the haunting of a pushed aside dream of being a writer. 

Somewhere along the way I decided I wasn’t good enough to be a writer because I didn’t think I was smart enough, eloquent enough or a good enough wordsmith. If I think I will never be as good a writer as Faulkner, Hemingway, or McCullers, I may very well be right. However, I wasn’t called to tell the stories of Faulkner, Hemingway, or McCullers. I’m called to tell mine. 

Fast forward 13 years later and I have claimed my place at the table with those who receive joy from telling their story. I have penned two manuscripts, and also have a website where I have curated a sampling of writing that I have done as a collection of my life’s work. 

For me, it is often a struggle to begin writing but once I begin I am never more emotionally stable or happy than when I am doing this work. The reason being, is that I am not free to refuse to do the thing which brings me pleasure. Measuring myself against other writers is not productive. What is productive is basking in the joy and pleasure that it brings me. 

I am grateful for that autumn day on 28 Mott Street in 2006 as it was the catalyst to remind me what it was that I had always wanted to do that would bring me great pleasure. Maybe what brings you immense pleasure is decorating, stamp collecting, or pencil drawings. It doesn’t matter what it is. It only matters that you do it. 

Seeking Pleasure, 

Nathan Aaron 

Quote 399 Series 11/15/19

More than two years ago I ended a long argument with myself about whether or not I should leave a very toxic work environment. I didn’t want to quit because I didn’t have anything lined up as I hadn’t applied for any other jobs because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. However, one bright, August, morning I sat down in my room in Astoria, Queens to meditate and posed a question to the universe. “How much longer must I endure my current situation?” I heard back:

“You will find out this morning.”

At some point in the morning I looked down at my phone, and had a voicemail from my boss telling me she was stopping payment on an invoice that was owed to me (she was running out of money but still wanted me to work for free). I had just received my answer. I crafted a resignation letter and sent it off that afternoon. I was shaking with fear as I moved into the unknown by taking that next right step. However, as I took that action I felt a spiritual door open and I knew I was heading in the right direction. 

I wish I could tell you that after I followed my instinct that the universe rewarded me by providing me with a $10,000.00 check for simply obeying it. Sadly, that’s not the way it happened. I struggled to the point where I had to leave my home in NYC and accept my sister’s generous offer to stay with her in North Carolina (for nearly a year) while I sorted myself out. 

Following your instinct will indeed lead you to your true destiny. The journey will grow darker before it becomes brighter but it will eventually get there as we take steps each day to follow our truth. In fact, Thich Nhat Hanh might say that we are in a state of arriving at our destiny each and every moment that we follow our instincts.

While my life has certainly not been a bed of roses since that morning in August 2017, I can tell you that I am much closer to my destiny for having followed my instinct. 

Are you being asked to do something more? Quit a job? Take a class that you may not have the money for? Go on a pilgrimage? 

Following Instincts, 

Nathan Aaron 

Quote 399 Series 11/1/19

I recently finished reading a mystery novel by author, Louise Penny that was set in a small, idyllic, French Canadian village just outside of Montreal where a character, Myrna, was explaining to the Chief Inspector of the Surete du Quebec about the psychological concept of the “near enemy”. The concept is two emotions looking the same but are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Myrna explains that attachment/obsession has similar qualities as love – but vastly different. Pity looks like compassion but there is a power grab in pity that doesn’t exist in compassion and so on and so forth. 

I began to mull over the concept of near enemies after reading that passage in the book and a couple of examples of near enemies emerged. One that stood out is perfectionism. Perfectionism, to the untrained eye, can look a lot like conscientiousness or productivity. The two share similar qualities but are different. Perfectionism is based in a false belief that if I cross every “t” and dot every “i” that I will finally be worthy of existence. Conscientiousness is focusing ourselves by doing the very best that we can, and accepting the results of that action as they come. Therefore perfectionism, and conscientiousness are near enemies. 

“Have the courage to be imperfect”

Having the courage to be imperfect is something that will need to be practiced over and over. I won’t magically read the above quote and then manage to never fall down the rabbit hole of perfectionism because I’ve somehow been cured. No, it will be a daily struggle – at least for a while. Soon enough I will realize that my I am perfectly imperfect. 

We are swiftly entering the holiday season which often presses many of us to our limits as we attempt to buy the best gifts for the family, take the most alluring dishes to the community dinner, or we strive to outdo the neighbors in the annual house decorating contest. By the time January 1 rolls around we are exhausted, hate the holidays, and we still have not achieved perfection. 

When the rigidity of perfectionism threatens to overtake us courage will present itself as a travelling companion to lead us along a different path. It will be scary and likely unfamiliar, but it is necessary to our survival. 

Will you choose courage in the face of perfectionism? 

Im-perfectly, 

Nathan Aaron 

Quote 399 Series 6/28/2019

In America we are currently suffering from a strain of indifference that is polluting our humanity, causing stress between family and friends, and blinding us by using gaslighting tactics as a means of torture. 

I’ve committed to be bold in love, and sometimes boldness requires stark truth. When I write I attempt to display diplomacy as my method of shining light. My goal is never to grind an ax for the mere sake of ax grinding. However, Elie Wiesel, author of today’s quote, warns against not taking sides and remaining neutral.

“Always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor never the tormented.”  

Truly, Mr. Wiesel knew the importance of his own words. His writing, speeches, and humanitarian work which chronicled his time at Auschwitz and Buchenwald during the Holocaust helps us to see his commitment to his convictions. He worked until his death to fight for equal treatment of all Jews, as well as, many other human rights organizations. 

As we come to the close of Gay Pride Month we are inspired by Mr. Wiesel not only by celebrating how far we’ve come, but to look ahead to what we still have left to do in the LGBTQ community. We can no longer play nice just to make it easier on other people that don’t like our “lifestyle”. We can no longer stay silent for fear that we may offend someone who has different “values” than we do. When you don’t want me to have the same human rights that you have, those aren’t values, dear ones. That’s called being prejudice. 

We love and appreciate our allies and the work they do on our behalf. However, if you are as Mr. Wiesel says, remaining *neutral* you are not our ally. We do not live in a time when standing on the sidelines regarding issues of equality for everyone can be treated with disregard. In the 1960’s during the Civil Rights movement Black men and women were not satisfied with white people who stood watching on the sidelines doing nothing while they were being persecuted (and still are) and neither will we be satisfied with sideline gawking by people who don’t want to help us in our fight for equality within the LGBTQ community. 

I say this in love…

Be silent no longer. 

Always. Take. Sides. 

Speaking Up,

Nathan Aaron

Quote 399 Series 4/12/19

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in a session with my therapist and like many of our conversations throughout the last six years it found its way back to the idea of shame. We had a beautifully deep conversation about its roots, not only for me personally, but for society at large. As I left the office that day I was intrigued by the deep reaching tentacles of shame that kept emerging and I wondered if there would ever be an end to this work. However, I felt hopeful because I knew that what I had already done with this less than desirable characteristic was proof that I could go deeper still. 

Later that day I was walking swiftly (as we are prone to do in NYC) while running errands for work when I ducked out of the rain underneath some scaffolding. As I moved quickly with the rhythm of the travelers in front and behind me along W. 19th St. a small yellow sticker on the pole of the scaffolding caught my eye just as I passed it. Something told me to stop, and go back for a proper look. Obediently, I got out of the way of the walkers that surrounded me and made my way back to observe the yellow sticker with black writing. As I approached, I was delighted as to what I found waiting there. 

“I look forward to the day I wake up without shame.” – @mylifeinyellow

Remembering the discussion with my therapist earlier that morning I smiled realizing that this was, what Sam Keen – author of today’s quote – might call;

“…a clandestine message addressed to me personally.” 

Mr. Keen goes on to say that we should expect these things and more; casual blessings, omens, epiphanies, thunderbolts, instruction and of course a burning bush or two. These are not only our heritage but our birthright as our awareness of them becomes our expectation of them. 

After having read this passage from Sam Keen’s book, Hymns to an Unknown God, I knew that I wanted to live this experience to the fullest. Since then I have had teachers who spoke unknowingly to my condition, experienced miracles, and have had more casual blessings that I can count all because I tuned into my awareness of them. 

Will you dare to ask for secret messages and miracles?

Entering with Expectation,

Nathan Aaron